Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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