Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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