He kissed a someone with a penis
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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