I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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