I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
