her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love having hate sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
