porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
