Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
