So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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