are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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