I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
