I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
