you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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