DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
