It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
