OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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