I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
