how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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