she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
