I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
