turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
