and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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