This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
