Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
