I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can text with my tongue
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
