so explain again why im purple
no
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
