Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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