I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
