Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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