You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
