drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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