So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
