just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
