The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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