i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
