Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
