I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
