I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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