it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
