my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
