Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
