we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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