remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
