Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
