i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
