I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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