I just saw a hot homeless man
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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