I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
