1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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