I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
