are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
