I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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