the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
