i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
