i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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